Super Autism Mum

Sometimes I have to realise that the past is in the past.  There is no changing what has happened, it’s done.  Learn from it and move on.

I find it difficult to do that. I go over every detail of everything, even things that happen 20 years ago! I find it difficult to let go and move on.

What if I had said that? What if I had done that? Would it be different? I’ll never know, so why dwell on it? If it happens again, do it differently for a different outcome.

I used to think I had no regrets. I said to myself, I done what was right at the time. But I have so many regrets. If I had lived my life differently would I be in the place I am now? If I had taken a different path, what would my life be like? Would I be happier? Would I have an autistic son?

My son is my world. He saved my life. I would do anything for him and give him anything but I wish I could make life easier for him and I can’t. That breaks my heart. I’m not always going to be here and I know he needs me to be. I pray as he gets older, the autism isn’t from the far end of the spectrum if that makes sense. Hell, if I am praying, I pray the diagnosis was an error – but I know that’s not the case.

Today we had a very autistic day!

The morning was fine but then we were due to go for a family lunch. He knew this. He knew where we were going and who with. And if we asked him this he would tell us. He was fine in the car, again we asked him who we were going to see, and he told all. All going well so far! I had no reason to think there were going to be any problems…………..

We got to the restaurant. My parents were there already. I said who is that? And he refused to go in saying “no no no no”

Over the past year or so, we have realised, certain no’s we can push a bit and other no’s there is no changing his mind. This was the latter! There was no talking him round!

We went a walk to the shops. I don’t know if it was the attempted lunch that unsettled him, or if we were out for too long, maybe a combination of both, but I was in a shop trying on shoes and he started going crazy, screaming and hitting me.

The hitting is happening frequently now. It’s hard to deal with and upsets me but it’s frustration and part of the condition that we need to nip in the bud somehow. Now I tell him that it’s not nice to do that, and he is a nice boy. If it worsens I may need to get some help or I’ll be heading for breakdown number 2 – that’s a story for another day!

My son, like millions of other kids, likes to watch bizarre videos on YouTube. We are thankfully past the stage of watching fingers open eggs.  He was watching these videos for months.  They have millions of views and I reckon most of them were him lol!

He started watching crazy combination videos –  Do you like avacados? Do you like lollipops? Do you like avacado lollypops? Yukky! They had been watching them in school too.

I made the mistake of making up my own song – do you like Mr Tumble? Do you like Grandad Tumble? Do you like Mr Tumble and Grandad Tumble? Yukky!

Oh man, why did I start this – he now does this with EVERYTHING!!!

He does it well though,  he picks 2 things that relate such as 2 kids names in his class or 2 teachers. It is improving his language so that’s a blessing.

His new thing is a logo app and looking at the signs, he points out all the car logos now.

Of course, we also get do you like BMW? Do you like Fiat? Do you like BMW & Fiat? Aaaahhhhhhh!!!!! Lol

I read an interesting article about this jigsaw piece as the symbol for autism.  The writer was furious about this being the symbol. His main points were:

• it is a childish symbol, and although adults love jigsaws, it is predominantly a child’s activity and as such has connotations of childhood.  This is bad for the autistic community as a whole as more are adults than children
• the implications of using a puzzle piece implied that autism is something to be solved or fixed.  This reinforces the idea that autistic people are broken
• the jigsaw piece is suppose to symbolise the mystery and complexity of autism, but autism is no more mysterious or complex than any other neurological disorder

He calls for the jigsaw piece to stop being used to represent autism.

Personally, I like it.  I am a huge fan of jigsaws and regularly have one in the go. But as a symbol for autism, I like it. I explain to kids that my sons brain works slightly different to theirs and it takes him a bit longer to do things – it’s like there is a missing piece.  I don’t mean that my son needs to be solved, he just has to work round the bit that works differently to get to the end result.

I was in a jewellers a few months back and saw a range with a jigsaw piece charm. I bought the necklace and I was so emotional buying it.  I knew I would never take it off.  I asked a few friends if they knew the jigsaw piece was a symbol of autism, and they all said no.  Maybe it’s only something you are aware of if autism touches your life?

The National Autistic Society don’t use the jigsaw piece, I wonder if they hate what it represents too?

Just a normal start to the day.  Dropped the wee one off at my parents so I can start work at 8am.  My phone was on, but the volume off.  Got to work and took my phone out my bag – I had 21 missed calls!!!

By the time I called home the issue had been solved but 21 missed calls gives you one hell of a fright in those 20 seconds when you are calling back and waiting on them to answer the phone!

Turns out, a character on TV had given another character a fright, and he was trying to tell gran this, who had been in the kitchen.  Gran wasn’t understanding and he was getting more and more frustrated, queue major meltdown!

I don’t know how, but my mum figured out what he was trying to say after about 15 minutes of full blown meltdown.  The second she got it, he was back to normal instantly leaving everyone around him crumbling while he just got on with watching TV!