Nursery

There is a nursery attached to my dad’s work ran by his friend’s wife, so there was no question on which nursery our son was going to!

We get 15 hours a week free child care the term after children turn 3, but we felt he needed nursery sooner mainly because he was constantly in adult company, but also to give my parents a break from having him 4 days a week.

He started in nursery 3 months before his 2nd birthday. We started with 2 mornings a week. I had to pay for nursery and it’s not cheap! Though my work run a childcare voucher scheme that I can pay for nursery fees directly from my salary before tax which saves a little.

I would meet nursery every few months for a catch up meeting. Oh, I didn’t like his first key worker in the 0-2 years room. She was always so negative, and even looked negative, I can’t remember ever seeing her smile! Thankfully she has left now! All I got from her when we met was, he doesn’t do this, he doesn’t do that. At one meeting she was telling me how he never sat still, I said he was a boy, surely that’s a boy thing – to which she replied ‘I’ve never come across a boy like him before’ and not in a nice way. She still worked there when we got the diagnosis so I hope she has learned from having him!

Having this key worker had such a huge impact on me, I was so depressed to the point where I had to be medicated by my doctor. Hearing negative things all the time was worrying me sick and I couldn’t lift myself out the gloom. I was in tears at every nursery meeting and getting nowhere. I was in tears in work when anyone asked about him. It wasn’t a nice time.

One thing that came up was that he wasn’t doing what the other kids were doing, he only done what he wanted to. He was the same at home. Following your own agenda is a trait of autism, I was unaware of this then. I just thought, he is a boy. If I don’t want to do something, I won’t. He takes after me!

At the start of the new term he moved to the age 2-3 room and thankfully changed key worker. What a difference this made. This key worker focused on what he could do and develop that. I felt a change in myself straight away. I was enthusiastic meeting the key worker and we had a plan of things that could be done in nursery and home to help develop him.

I had gone from being told I had a boy who wouldn’t do anything he was told, to having someone who was encouraging him.

Still at this point we were not thinking for a second there were any issues causing his behaviour.

He wasn’t hitting alot of developmental milestones. Physical wasn’t an issue, but he was struggling in every other area.

The term after his 3rd birthday he should have moved to the age 3-5 room, but he wasn’t ready. I also wasn’t ready for him to be in a bigger group where the kids were all chatting and he wasn’t. I was concerned about how this would affect him not being able to join in.

He was three and a half when he moved rooms. Nursery were very supportive and we changed key worker to the best yet. I was apprehensive at first but focused on how these kids could help bring my son on.

This key worker we had until he left nursery, and she was brilliant. We met alot to talk about how things were going, and how we can help at home to continue to develop what he was doing in nursery.

We talked about autism. By this point it was on my mind all the time as we were seeing a speech and language therapist, and it was always something we spoke about since the paediatrician mentioned that was the main cause of speech delay.

Nursery were very clear not to say whether they thought he had autism or not.

It was hard for us. We had no other children to compare him to, and to us he was “normal”, but in nursery he was acting differently to the other children.

He had a morning routine. When he arrived at nursery, he chilled on a beanbag for 5/10 minutes observing the room before doing anything. He done this in the pre-school centre too. It’s like he needs a few minutes to get used to his surroundings. We all need a few minutes in the morning, whether for a cup of tea, or a chat. This is his thing.

Nursery left him to it. Then, when all the other children were in, they got him and started the day.

Nursery were brilliant with everything for our son. Especially after we got the diagnosis. They looked into what they needed to do to help us get what we wanted. At this stage we wanted 2 things:

• Preschool placement
• Defer school for a year

With our son having a July birthday he was going to be one of the oldest in the class, so delaying school would not be easy. We need to apply to do this. Had his birthday been December or January is would have been easier.

Delaying school also costs money as the council need to fund another year of nursery for him.

Nursery arranged for an educational psychologist to be allocated to us, as this is who we need to agree to what we wanted.