Author: Super Autism Mum

I couldn’t sleep last night. I was lying thinking about my son being older and on his own. We have no other children and I have a horrible feeling of him being alone.

It was like a grief crept over me.

I heard a couple of days ago that a colleague of mine had died. She was only 10 years older than me, I think this must have been at the back of my mind last night.

You just don’t know what the future holds. My job is to prepare my son for the future. So far, things for him are going well. School has been brilliant for him. His teacher called him a signing superstar – his makaton is fantastic. He loves signing. He is progressing and his development, though very slow, is moving along in the right direction.

I woke up this morning thinking I really need to take care of myself to be there for as long as I can be for my son.

A few months ago I read about a Saturday morning austism football club. We tried to take him but as soon as we parked he got so anxious and wouldn’t get out the car. He started to get really upset, so we left.

Next to the football pitches is a golf club with a lovely cafe, which I have just discovered. It was another lovely day so I thought it would be nice to go to the cafe and sit outside with a juice and cake.

I asked him if he wanted to go out for juice and a donut, of course he did, so off we went.

As soon as we drove in he got so anxious, but I told him we weren’t going to football we were going for juice and a donut. He calmed a bit but I could tell he was still really anxious.

We got him out the car ok and took a hand each to walk into the cafe. I felt him slowing down, but we kept walking not making a fuss hoping this would put him at ease, knowing he was safe.

We got in ok and I took him straight to the counter to pick a donut. He relaxed after this and we had a lovely time sitting in the sun.

Today was a good day !

It has been a lovely day today. We have been in the garden all day, and although my son has been out playing, I still felt I needed to get him out for a while.  He needs to burn off the excess energy in him.

He wanted to play on the iPad, but he had been playing on it for a while this morning and I knew he would want it all night,  so I asked him if he wanted to go to Caffè Nero.  He said no, but I knew that was because he wanted to play on the iPad.  I said he could take it in the car with him, which annoyed my husband, but sometimes you have to pick your battles, and this was not one of them.

We got changed and all got our shoes on.  I said, let’s go, and I took the iPad from him.  He gave me it no problem, and headed for the door! I said we could go into Home Bargains for a wee sweetie, then Caffè Nero for a juice and come home for a play on the iPad, and he was ok with this.

Bribery!

I had gotten quite a firm ‘no’ when I initially asked him if he wanted to go out, but I managed to get him out.  We need to look at how we tackled today, to use it for future outings.

If bribery works, then let’s go with that for now.

If taking an iPad into the car relaxes him and gets him out, then we go with that too.

We had a birthday present to take to our friends daughter tonight, who is a year older than our son. They also have a daughter a year younger than our son, and a son who is one and a half.

Our son loves playing with the kids, and always has a great time. It does take him a few minutes to get in their house, even though he knows them really well. Each visit had got better, he has gone in the house a bit quicker each time.

I said to him last night we were going tonight, but he said no way. So I said no more on the subject. Tonight I said to him again but he was still saying no. I ended up just going myself.

Should I stop telling him when we are going? Do we just say let’s go and hope for the best?

It’s happening regularly now that he doesn’t want to go anywhere, and we don’t push it. But should we? Is this a barrier we have to suffer to get over?

I have been thinking tonight about the playdate. I wonder if we hadn’t told our son where he was going if that would have worked?

I have been told at courses that preparation is key to keeping things calm. Prepare your child for what is going to be happening or where you are going so they know what to expect and there are no surprises.

We have spent a few days saying where he was going. What if we hadn’t? What if we had just left the house and got to the playdate house, I wonder what would have happened?

Autism is so unique. What works for one child, may not for another.

I imagine most people need to prepare, but what if our son doesn’t?

It’s something we really need to look at and think about for the future.

The dad of the boy from school who came to our house a couple of weeks ago, messaged to ask for a playdate at their house this time today.

He messaged a few days ago, so we have had a few days to talk about it. Every time we mentioned it though, he said no way. I had a very strong feeling it wouldn’t happen – and I was right!

I decided it would be best if my husband took him on his own. Our son plays up alot with me, daddy can do more with him. I call myself the weak link of the family!

I bought Percy pigs to take as they worked well the last time, hoping a bit of bribery would work to get him into their house but he got so agitated and anxious and was starting to get really upset – we knew not to push it.

I worry that we won’t get him to go to new places. It’s frustrating as I know he will love places when we get there. It’s a massive barrier just now.

https://www.makaton.org

All you Mr Tumble fans will recognise some of the Makaton signs. It is a fantastic way to communicate with non verbal kids. Although our son’s language is improving, he still uses signs to communicate with us.

Nursery started using signs after our speech and language therapist went to visit our son, so he has been using simple signs for a while now.

School have started to do a sign a week. Last week was toilet and this week is good morning.

His teacher sent a note yesterday saying how well he is doing and also that he says the word as he signs which is how Makaton is to be used.

It doesn’t surprise me that he loves signing as he loves copying Mr Tumble and all the Tumble characters, plus he will copy anything people do, any actions on TV or things we do.

His teacher has said we should look into a drama class for him. We will be doing that soon 👍

On the return to school after Easter, we had a change. The existing teacher was changing to Wednesday to Friday and a new teacher was coming in for Monday and Tuesday.

I wasn’t too worried about it, as change of routine has never been a major issue for us.

It has been going well. School gave us a laminated sheet with an arrow on blu tac to move each day so he knew what teacher he had. I used it in the beginning, but now I just ask him in the morning what teacher he has that day. If he says the wrong name, I just say not today, who do you have today? Then he tells me the other teacher is on holiday!

So the school are trying a new app instead of the paper diary, called Seesaw. After a couple of teething problems, it seems to be working well now. We are getting more info back too. The school have a Facebook page too, but they are putting more photos on Seesaw, I’m assuming as they know it comes only to us.

I’m very happy with this as one of the points raised at the last parent focus group was more communication was needed between the school and parents.

Seesaw ticks all the boxes for me!

Let me start by saying, it was a success!

I was so nervous and kept looking at the clock. They were due at 1.30pm and just then I got a message apologising saying they were running around 20 minutes late. That’s ok, but meant 20 more minutes of nerves!

When the other boy arrived with his dad, he wasn’t strange at all. I opened the door and he wandered past me having a look around. I told him his friend was in the garden on his big trampoline. He walked up to the back door then just stopped looking at him.

As soon as my son saw him, he kept saying “no no no” and started getting really anxious. I knew he would act like this, I was praying it would be ok after a few minutes or we would need to cancel the playdate!

His friend looked at him for a few seconds, then wandered into the garden. He wasn’t phased by him at all. We also have a mini trampoline. He walked over and started jumping on it, all the time my son watching him. He stopped saying no, and had a wee smile! Then his friend joined him on the big trampoline and that was them happily playing together! I say together, I mean side by side.

They stayed just over an hour. It gave me and my husband a chance to talk to his dad and hear all about his son, and chat about school.

I noticed differences between the 2 boys. Our son has better speech, but his friend is much better being in a strange place being with people he didn’t know.

That’s why autism is so unique. Different people have different difficulties.

Thinking about it all, our son is far better than I thought he was. I really thought his anxiety would get so much that we would have to send his friend home, but as his friend didn’t bother with him, he calmed down very quickly.

It was a ‘no no no’ we couldn’t change his mind on, but by stepping back and leaving them both together, it worked out well – they even cuddled goodbye!

All in all, it was a success. We said we will do it again, next time at their house. To be honest, not sure we will get our son in the door. But we will try!