I have always wanted to be a mum. We had no young kids in our family when I was growing up, so when family friends had kids I couldn’t wait till they were a bit older so I could take them to the cinema or for lunch and spoil them, excited for the day I would do that with my own child.
You never think about any problems you may have. Nothing is ever straightforward in my life so I knew that when we started to try for a baby, that it would either happen immediately and I would have no time to think about it, or we would have problems. I knew it wouldn’t be a case of trying for a few months then bingo!
2.5 years on an IVF waiting list, then 2 rounds later, we were told we were lucky. I couldn’t believe it. I’m never lucky! But, true enough, 9 months later, out popped my son. He was perfect. 10 fingers, 10 toes, my little miracle. I couldn’t stop looking at him, still can’t!
He was a great baby. Slept well, (much to all my friends envy who had non sleeping babies!) ate well, smiled and giggled all the time, and he made my heart burst with love for him.
He was walking just before he turned one, so developmentally all was going well. But then his speech didn’t come. I kept thinking, he is a boy, they are always slower, never for a minute thinking there would be an issue.
We were referred to speech and language and a paediatrician. We spent over 2 years attending appointments and more and more we were hearing the word autism. I bring it up at every appointment as it is on my mind 24/7. I can’t sleep thinking about it, whether he has or not, and what his life is going to be life if he is. I am the only one who can calm him down, what if I’m not there? What if something happens to me? He needs me. I ended up on anti anxiety medication from my doctor, and appointments to see her every 3 months.
I wasn’t coping well with this hanging over us and needed to know one way or another. He was 4 by this point and I was dreading him going to school when he couldn’t talk. So, I requested the assessment be done to know once and for all. And he was. He is. He has autism.
Here I am now, a couple of years into this autism adventure and I’ve started this. My aim was to set up a website loaded with information as we struggled to get info in the beginning. It’s kind of became a blog keeping me sane. Sorry for the anonymity if the site, but as you will come to see, I still struggle to talk about it and deal with it. Maybe one day I will reveal myself!
Super Autism Mum 