Month: February 2020

I am a big cinema fan. I love going to the cinema and escaping in a film. I always have. I love getting sweets and popcorn and just getting excited about what I’m about to watch. I would go to the cinema every day if I could!

The cinema has always been a big part of my life. Whenever I need a pick me up, I escape to the cinema.

Before our son was born we had a Cineworld card and used to go all the time. I’ve take loads of family friends kids to the cinema, and couldn’t wait to take my own son.

Daddy took him to the cinema 3 years ago to see Kung Fu Panda 3 and he done well. I didn’t go as we thought his first time would be best with just daddy as I would get too excited! This was before diagnosis. He stayed for most of the film but got too agitated so they left before the end.

We tried to go as a family a couple of months later, but we couldn’t even get him into the screen.

Any time we pass a cinema when we are with him, I always take him in just so he can wander around but when I ask if he wants to go in, he always says no.

The Sonic the Hedgehog movie trailer has been getting shown on TV all week, and he kept asking to see it. I said he would need to the cinema, and he said ok. This conversation happened many times over the week, so I checked for the first showing on Saturday and it was on at 10.30 am at the cinema beside us.

I asked if he wanted to go. I said they could go to the shops for a sweetie, and he could wear his ear defenders as sometimes it was very noisy he said yes!

So, off he went with daddy and for the next 2 hours I was so nervous.  What was happening?  Did he go in? Has he stayed in?  has he watched the movie?  has he been aggitated?  So many questions!

 

Finally daddy phoned to say he done really well.  He got a bit jumpy on the seat and kept turning round to see what was happening behind him.  He kept his ear defenders on the whole time but he did watch the movie and seemed to enjoy it.  at the trailers the new Trolls movie was advertised.  When he came home, daddy said to him “tell mummy what you are going to see next” and he said to me “going to see Trolls”  I asked if mummy could come and he said yes.  So proud of him today.

 

This was shared to our school support group page, I can’t read where it originated from to give photo credit.

When we got the diagnosis, my dad told me to tell my line manager and my Human Resources department that I am a registered carer now. But I just couldn’t. My parents are retired so I am lucky that they are available for me if I need them. I didn’t see any need to tell my work when I have them close by to support me. It’s still so difficult for me to talk about it.

Last week an email was sent out in work from our HR department detailing a new Carers Policy that was now in place. If we are a carer, we were to log on to our staff profile and tick the “Carer” box on our details page. I done that.

At my monthly meeting with my line manager we were chatting bout holidays. I let her know I was going to have an issue soon when my parents are away and I have no childcare, that I can’t leave my son with anyone. I didn’t expect to be having this conversation, and all of a sudden tears were rolling down my face! I wasn’t sobbing, but I couldn’t stop the tears flowing! I explained I was his registered carer that he has some issues and a diagnosis that I can’t talk about. I’m sure she clicked on to what is was when I said it’s developmental.

I did feel better after our chat, but I was also annoyed with myself. She didn’t need to know. Damn tears!!!

I told my work friend (who knows) what I had said, and she told me it’s ok to tell people.

I really don’t know why I can’t say it more. Embarrassed? Not wanting pity? Maybe it’s that I’ve not come to terms with it myself? Will I ever?