Month: May 2018

I have been thinking tonight about the playdate. I wonder if we hadn’t told our son where he was going if that would have worked?

I have been told at courses that preparation is key to keeping things calm. Prepare your child for what is going to be happening or where you are going so they know what to expect and there are no surprises.

We have spent a few days saying where he was going. What if we hadn’t? What if we had just left the house and got to the playdate house, I wonder what would have happened?

Autism is so unique. What works for one child, may not for another.

I imagine most people need to prepare, but what if our son doesn’t?

It’s something we really need to look at and think about for the future.

The dad of the boy from school who came to our house a couple of weeks ago, messaged to ask for a playdate at their house this time today.

He messaged a few days ago, so we have had a few days to talk about it. Every time we mentioned it though, he said no way. I had a very strong feeling it wouldn’t happen – and I was right!

I decided it would be best if my husband took him on his own. Our son plays up alot with me, daddy can do more with him. I call myself the weak link of the family!

I bought Percy pigs to take as they worked well the last time, hoping a bit of bribery would work to get him into their house but he got so agitated and anxious and was starting to get really upset – we knew not to push it.

I worry that we won’t get him to go to new places. It’s frustrating as I know he will love places when we get there. It’s a massive barrier just now.

https://www.makaton.org

All you Mr Tumble fans will recognise some of the Makaton signs. It is a fantastic way to communicate with non verbal kids. Although our son’s language is improving, he still uses signs to communicate with us.

Nursery started using signs after our speech and language therapist went to visit our son, so he has been using simple signs for a while now.

School have started to do a sign a week. Last week was toilet and this week is good morning.

His teacher sent a note yesterday saying how well he is doing and also that he says the word as he signs which is how Makaton is to be used.

It doesn’t surprise me that he loves signing as he loves copying Mr Tumble and all the Tumble characters, plus he will copy anything people do, any actions on TV or things we do.

His teacher has said we should look into a drama class for him. We will be doing that soon 👍

On the return to school after Easter, we had a change. The existing teacher was changing to Wednesday to Friday and a new teacher was coming in for Monday and Tuesday.

I wasn’t too worried about it, as change of routine has never been a major issue for us.

It has been going well. School gave us a laminated sheet with an arrow on blu tac to move each day so he knew what teacher he had. I used it in the beginning, but now I just ask him in the morning what teacher he has that day. If he says the wrong name, I just say not today, who do you have today? Then he tells me the other teacher is on holiday!

So the school are trying a new app instead of the paper diary, called Seesaw. After a couple of teething problems, it seems to be working well now. We are getting more info back too. The school have a Facebook page too, but they are putting more photos on Seesaw, I’m assuming as they know it comes only to us.

I’m very happy with this as one of the points raised at the last parent focus group was more communication was needed between the school and parents.

Seesaw ticks all the boxes for me!

Let me start by saying, it was a success!

I was so nervous and kept looking at the clock. They were due at 1.30pm and just then I got a message apologising saying they were running around 20 minutes late. That’s ok, but meant 20 more minutes of nerves!

When the other boy arrived with his dad, he wasn’t strange at all. I opened the door and he wandered past me having a look around. I told him his friend was in the garden on his big trampoline. He walked up to the back door then just stopped looking at him.

As soon as my son saw him, he kept saying “no no no” and started getting really anxious. I knew he would act like this, I was praying it would be ok after a few minutes or we would need to cancel the playdate!

His friend looked at him for a few seconds, then wandered into the garden. He wasn’t phased by him at all. We also have a mini trampoline. He walked over and started jumping on it, all the time my son watching him. He stopped saying no, and had a wee smile! Then his friend joined him on the big trampoline and that was them happily playing together! I say together, I mean side by side.

They stayed just over an hour. It gave me and my husband a chance to talk to his dad and hear all about his son, and chat about school.

I noticed differences between the 2 boys. Our son has better speech, but his friend is much better being in a strange place being with people he didn’t know.

That’s why autism is so unique. Different people have different difficulties.

Thinking about it all, our son is far better than I thought he was. I really thought his anxiety would get so much that we would have to send his friend home, but as his friend didn’t bother with him, he calmed down very quickly.

It was a ‘no no no’ we couldn’t change his mind on, but by stepping back and leaving them both together, it worked out well – they even cuddled goodbye!

All in all, it was a success. We said we will do it again, next time at their house. To be honest, not sure we will get our son in the door. But we will try!

I am very nervous this morning! We have our first playdate today. Another autistic boy is coming to our house this afternoon. They are best of friends in school but what are they going to be like together out with school?

I met his dad at a school parent forum meeting. At the meeting I mentioned that as the bus picks up and drops off our kids, we miss the opportunity to meet other parents at the school gates and the kids miss out on playdates. After the meeting, the dad said lets organise a playdate! I was so excited!!

Now the day is here and my stomach is churning!

I suggested our house for the first playdate, as the other boy is already on the bus when they get to our house, so he has been here and has seen me – I always wave to him. Plus we have a huge trampoline in the garden and a swing seat they can both chill on. The forecast was to be sunny, and thankfully it was correct – it is a beautiful day!

I’ll post later what happens today! Wish me luck!!

More painting being done by daddy today so we went swimming. It was lovely just the 2 of us, lots of cuddles in the pool when I held him. His face just lights up in the pool. My wee water baby!

We were in the changing room after swimming and he started hitting me again when I was trying to get him ready. At one point he pushed me full force and I lost my balance. I managed to stable myself before falling! He doesn’t realise how strong he is! Or maybe he does!

I don’t like to shout at him as I know a lot of his behaviours can’t be helped, but I will talk to him sternly. He HATES being told off! Soon we have tears and then once he knows I’m not angry any more, he jumps on me and squeezes me for tight cuddles. I know that calms him down.

So, we were an extra 15mins in the changing room!

We struggled to have one baby, I never even thought about having another as we were so lucky that IVF worked for us.

When our son was around 2, I started to think about having another baby – assuming we would need to go through IVF again this time paying for it ourself. We had enough savings to do 2 rounds. I was almost 40 so time was against us. For around 2 weeks it was all I could think about. Then I just thought, we are so lucky let’s have a great life as a trio! We didn’t even try to have another.

It got me thinking, this was all before we had our sons diagnosis. He brings us so much joy, but we also have such a hard time with him and days that are so upsetting and frustrating for us and him, if there was a second child, how much harder would that be? What if the second child had a diagnosis too? I really don’t think, in fact, I know I couldn’t cope with 2 autistic children.

I have met many parents at courses I have been at. I have kept in touch with 2, from 2 different courses and we are now our own little support group. One mum has 2 kids, only the oldest is autistic. The other mum has 4 kids, only the youngest is autistic. I have also met another mum where all 3 kids are autistic, but most parents I meet only have one child.

Is there a fear of having another child after an autism diagnosis for your first child?

So in the tradition of bank holidays, DIY was planned! The kitchen was being painted finally, a year after it was fitted! My job was to keep our son occupied.

I planned a morning at the science centre then some lunch, this would keep us out the house for about 3 hours. I was debating whether to still go as it was a beautiful day but knew I had to get our son away from daddy and grandpa while they painted. He would just get under their feet.

Off we went with no problems. He LOVES the science centre so I knew we would have lots of fun. I charged the camera so I was really to take mega photos!

We parked, wandered in and paid then as soon as we got to the escalator to go up to the first level, he said no no no, I want to go home. He wasn’t overly agitated so I thought I might get away with pushing him a bit. I tried everything! No go! I asked why he didn’t want to go as he always has so much fun, he said he wanted daddy and grandpa.

I have a feeling my son takes after me. I have terrible FOMO – fear of missing out! Lol. I think he wanted home as grandpa was there and he wanted in amongst it.

We grabbed a bit of lunch then headed home to play in the garden.

I often get really upset when this happens as it’s a realisation that my son is different. Watching the other kids wander in and up the escalator knowing my son can’t do that today is hard to take, if we went tomorrow, who knows, he may go up no problem. It may just be the way he feels today. It’s frustrating as I know he will love it, but it is what it is and I have to just say, not today – got a refund for those wondering!

Today I didn’t get upset as I was happy to be going back to the sunshine in the garden!